Change Your Friends Before They Change You

by: Jay Dezelic

I had the misfortune to get involved with one of the most vial and venomous persons one could ever come across. It cost me a ten-year-old business I started from scratch, my livelihood and over a million dollars in cash and debt. I never really saw it coming. It was the worst experience of my life. It has haunted me for years. Although it was a business situation, I can begin to understand the mental torture experienced by women who have been violently raped. As an entrepreneur, loosing your business to a slick calculating con artist is like seeing someone close to you get murdered. I suspect that many psychologists could not decipher the difference in effect of the internal rage that one experiences in either situation.

I am writing this article for those of you who also have had the misfortune of personally crossing paths with this form of pure evil. I hope to convince you (as I had to myself) that your situation is fortunately an aberration. It's not normal human behavior to operate without conscience. The human race would have never survived if more than 1% of the people on earth were of the type I mention. They are smart and sneaky like an Anaconda snake, predatory like a shark, and tenacious as a pit bull. They are coniving and manipulative. They are masters and experts at concealing these horrid traits with a mask of insincere compassion and jubilant charm. They are more visible in the lower ranks of society as they manifest themselves into wife beaters, serial rapists, child molesters, and murderers. But, they too are just as prevalent in other social orders around the globe. In the higher statures of society, this covert unseen factor makes them even more dangerous. They mark their prey (you) long before you can detect them. Often what you perceive as a chance meeting was the results of a highly strategic and pre-meditated effort to engage you (or someone in your position).

They can wreck havoc on any relationship, break merely any circle of friends, destroy families, and bankrupt companies. Post mortem analysis of these situations often reveal only ghost threads. - In other words, by the time you pick up the pieces, you have no tangible proof of what really happened. You are often left with not even knowing how and why it all fell apart. Usually the motivation for these actions distills down to simple obsessive greed, self-indulgence, or the feeding of a massively starved ego. Whatever it is, most normal people have no real reference point to comprehend what motivates this belligerent minority. These evil doers are just out there like forgotten land mines, ready to claim the next anonymous victim.

The first thing to always remember is that in hindsight, you probably could not have done much about forecasting your fate. I have spent many moments pondering why I couldn't see it coming and how I could have avoided such catastrophic bad luck. As social creatures, we tend to take things at face value; we read other people by the way they communicate, their posture, and their expressions. Most of the time, and for most of us, it is relatively easy to identify friend or foe. We stay away from the shifty-eyed grumblers, and gravitate towards the warm and compassionate openly types. With experience, we can easily access genuineness of a person. Just like most of use would not think about examining every bit of change we receive from the grocery store to see if it was counterfeit.

We are just not set up to identify the less than 1-% soulless humanoids that trick our senses of awareness to attain our trust. Unless you are a highly trained FBI profiler, you stand a chance of being stung. Just accept that, pick up the pieces and move on. Never think that lightning can't strike twice, but don't judge everyone you meet after your ordeal to be incredulous.

Whatever your situation - be it a business venture, a personal encounter, a lover, or whatever, bad people can occasionally happen onto anyone. It is not your fault. It was not your choice. That is just how they spread their seeds of evil. As much as you think it would be a nice thing to hear of your assailant receiving a bullet in the head, it won't do you much good. Revenge is costly and short-lived. And most likely, the piece-of-crap of a person who put you in your predicament probably set you up so that your backlash will only work against you. The real experts in this profession know what they are doing. They have done it a thousand times before you, and will continue - perhaps until they meet one of their own kind.

What You Can Do:

Keep Your Post Analysis Objective

Don't take it personally. The person who did you in has done it to others before. You could not have seen it coming because you had not the experience to recognize this kind of person until now.

Grieve As Little As Possible

If you are like most, you will need some time to grieve over your loss. That is a trait that makes us human. But, give it a time limit. Depending on the severity of the occurrence, maybe a month maybe a year. But try not to go beyond that.

Start Something New Immediately

It is important to get your mind working on positive forward motion. The bigger the project, the faster you will heel. Try to disassociate with your ordeal as much as possible. The more time your mind is occupied with moving in a new direction, the less time you have to think about your nightmares.

Re-Group Your Relationships

As hard as it is, try and re-group with friends and associates. Often, these evil-minded predators will first focus on separating their victims from their roots. In my case, nearly everyone I knew was tainted with intentional misinformation for quite some time before I knew the stuff hit the fan.

Never Forget

In my case, the predator was highly experienced at leveraging himself into business ventures, creating a cloud of smoke and ash and sneaking out the backdoor with millions of dollars leaving everyone wondering what happened. In hindsight, I can clearly see the steps taken by my nemeses to rid me of my holdings. I was merely used as a pawn. The experience will teach you that the worst possible thing can and will happen when you least expect it. Scrutinize people, and don't hesitate to follow up on their most trivial references. Your ordeal has left you with some new life experience tools that will steer you clear of potential danger in the future.

Trust In Humanity

Like a lightning strike, your encounter is a relatively rare occurrence. There just aren't that many of these predators. They are frequently showcased on the evening news as if they were everywhere. Corporate corruption, violent criminals, and self-gratifying heads-of-state. But in reality, we would not be here if most of the world were like that. We would still live in caves or be completely extinct. Organized society can only support a small minority of soulless individuals.

Above all, remember that what doesn't kill you, will serve to make you stronger.

(C) 2005 Jay Dezelic